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Collects signal intelligence and engages in electronic warfare. Being an officer in the Army is closely related to holding a managerial position in a corporation. DUTIES Develops all source intelligence materials from accumulated data, including maps and intelligence information derived from a variety of sources.

Assesses reliability of information received, through comparison with previously evaluated information on hand. Maintains close liaison with other staff and specialized intelligence personnel. Activities to include counterintelligence:. Develops and maintains situation maps, overlays and reports, to provide complete and accurate intelligence information.

Maintains current information concerning friendly and enemy forces, including identification, disposition, personalities, combat efficiency and history. Develops and prepares enemy vulnerability studies, and evaluates their use in predicting probable enemy courses of action, in terms of disposition, capabilities and intentions. Supervises intelligence production operations and intelligence surveillance and reconnaissance synchronization functions.

With increasing joint operations, a greater pool of applicants from other military branch services Navy, Air Force and Marine exists.

Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for F on a will-train basis. Applicants must demonstrate their qualifications through hard copies of document experience e. With increasing joint operations, a greater pool of applicants from other military branch services Navy, Air Force and Marines exists.

Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for G on a will-train basis. Applicants must demonstrate their qualifications through hard copies of documented experience e. Army National Guard programs and benefits are subject to change.

Your local warrant officer recruiter has the most up-to-date information about job availability and bonuses in your state. Any minimum prerequisites not met will require a prerequisite waiver in writing. Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for N on a will-train basis. Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for P on a will-train basis.

Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for S on a will-train basis. Those who can demonstrate their qualifications may apply for T on a will-train basis. Interested in learning more about the National Guard? Sign up for weekly emails that will introduce you to every aspect of Guard life. Start A Career Timeline. Activities to include counterintelligence: DUTIES Provides technical expertise and manages activities engaged in imagery and reconnaissance analysis Identifies changes of terrain, equipment locations, movements or other imagery-derived information that contributes to intelligence Acts as the chief of a platoon, section, detachment or team performing imagery analysis Identifies equipment by name and location to develop assessments of possible threats to U.

And after retiring from the Navy consider going on a cruise and visiting some of our past favorite ports. Just to think, Uncle Sam actually use to pay us to visit those same ports years ago. You can spend three years on a ship and never visit every nook and cranny or even every major space aboard. Yet, you can name all your shipmates and every liberty port. Campari and soda taken in the warm Spanish sun is an excellent hangover remedy. E-5 is the almost perfect military pay grade. Too senior to catch the crap details, too junior to be blamed if things go awry.

Never be first, never be last and never volunteer for anything. Contrary to popular belief, Chief Petty Officers do not walk on water. They walk just above it. Also under the category of sad but true, that lithe, sultry Mediterranean or Asian beauty you spent those wonderful three days with and have dreamed about ever since, is almost certainly a grandmother now. A Sailor can, and will, sleep anywhere, anytime. Damn all who want to eliminate or change that uniform. The Marine dress blue uniform is, by far, the sharpest of all the armed forces.

Sailors and Marines will generally fight one another, and fight together against all comers. If you can at all help it, never tell anyone that you are seasick. Check the rear dungaree pockets of a Sailor. Right pocket a wallet. Left pocket a book. The guys who seemed to get away with doing the least, always seemed to be first in the pay line and the chow line.

Speaking of which, when the need arises, the nearest head is always the one which is secured for cleaning. Four people you never screw with: In the summer, all deck seamen wanted to be signalmen. In the winter they wanted to be radiomen. Do snipes ever get the grease and oil off their hands?

Never play a drinking game which involves the loser paying for all the drinks. There are only two good ships: Whites, coming from the cleaners, clean, pressed and starched, last that way about 30 microseconds after donning them. The Navy dress white uniform is a natural dirt magnet. Sweat pumps operate in direct proportion to the seniority of the official visiting. Three biggest lies in the Navy: Everything goes in the log.

The Chief is always right. When in doubt refer to Rule 1. A wet napkin under your tray keeps the tray from sliding on the mess deck table in rough seas, keeping at least one hand free to hold on to your beverage. Never walk between the projector and the movie screen after movie call and the flick has started. When going in the opposite direction, the chronometer is retarded at which extends the work day.

When I sleep, I often dream I am back at sea. If I had to do it all over again, I would. Did you hear about the North Dakota rancher driving along checking his fences when he sees a hitchhiker. He gives the guy a lift. They talk little but the rancher asks his name and the guy says Rear Admiral Coaks. All of a sudden the rancher slams on the brakes and there in the barbed wire is one of his sheep with his head caught.

The rancher gets out, goes over, yanks his pants down and tears the sheep a new ass hole. But do I have to stick my head on the barbed wire? Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion? The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls. Repaint your entire house every month. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack.

Re-qualify every 6 months. Have your neighbor come over each day at , blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.

Have someone repeat loudly, "Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all shitcans and butt kits over the fantail! Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. Repeat the same movie several nights in a row. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations, shouting, "Now general quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations!

Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When you finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly.

Spread icing real thick to level it off. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout "Man overboard port side! Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string.

Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready. Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at , saying, "Now taps, taps! Maintain silence throughout the ship! Build a fire in a trash can in your garage. Loudly announce to your family, "This is a drill! This is a drill! Fire in hangar bay one! Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals.

This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseated. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket. Find the biggest horse you can, put a 2-inch mattress on his back, and strap yourself to it. Turn him loose in a barn filled with snakes for six hours and try to sleep. Then get up and go to work.

Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot; let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears. Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty.

Hire someone to hammer on a gal drum at random hours to simulate paint chipping. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles.

The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true US Navy fashion exclaimed Each Naval Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of Chiefs has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Naval Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant Chiefs will finally get what they deserve. Suddenly one of the Chiefs calls out: The conductor checks the tickets of the Naval Officers.

When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: For the return trip the Naval Officers decide to use the same trick. After a while one of the Chiefs announces again: All the Chiefs leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last Chief enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Naval Officers and says: When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was crowded.

They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them.

They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.

The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience. The Lieutenant confirmed this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.

The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. Married, two sons, both surgeons.

Married, two sons, both judges. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims: Never married, two sons, both Admirals. The next morning he awakens to sounds of cheering and clapping. This sight disturbs the Pope and he runs downstairs to the Master-at-Arms shack and says, "Hey, what gives?

We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times. We know in the Military life there is a fellowship which lasts long after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet. We know even if he throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that remains in his life. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of what he was and in his heart still is. These are the burdens of the job.

You will still look at people suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and always will look at the rest of the Military world with a respect for what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing. Never think for one moment you are escaping from that life. So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your heart you never forget for one moment that you are still a member of the greatest fraternity the world has ever known.

Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having the last time you met. Have never seen you cry. Have cried with you.

Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. Know a few things about you. Could write a book with direct quotes from you. Are for a while. Have shared a few experiences. Have shared a lifetime of experiences no citizen could ever dream of. Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below feet. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. The Chief once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now simply called "The Islands" Superman owns a pair of Chief pajamas.

The Chief has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself. If the Chief is late, then time had damned well better slow down.

The Chief has counted to infinity If the Chief ever calls your house, be in! You had better pay attention to them. The Chief can slam a revolving door. The Chief was sending an email one day, when he realized it would be faster to run. When the Chief exercises, the machine gets stronger. Bullets dodge the Chief. If not, he catches them in his teeth. Chiefs think Ensigns should be seen and not heard, and should not be allowed to read books on leadership.

Chiefs do not have any civilian clothes. As civilians, they keep their uniforms forever. Chiefs dream in Navy blue and gold, white, haze gray, and occasionally khaki. Chiefs have served in ships that are now war memorials or tourist attractions. Chiefs get tears in their eyes when the Chief dies in the movie "Operation Pacific. Chiefs do not own any pens that are not inscribed "Property of U. Chiefs know that the black tar in their coffee cup makes the coffee taste better.

The CHIEF once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength.

He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress. This has nothing to do with his ancestry. The man once ate an Indian. There is no future in any other course of action. The guy knew exactly what had happened and blames nobody but himself.

The result was the Empire State Building. They made him blink. The sun blinked first. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness. There was a time when everything you owned had to fit in your seabag. Remember those nasty rascals? Fully packed, one of the suckers weighed more than the poor devil hauling it. The damn things weighed a ton and some idiot with an off-center sense of humor sewed a carry handle on it to help you haul it.

After you warped your spine jackassing the goofy thing through a bus or train station, sat on it waiting for connecting transportation and made folks mad because it was too damn big to fit in any overhead rack on any bus, train, and airplane ever made, the contents looked like hell.

All your gear appeared to have come from bums who slept on park benches. Traveling with a seabag was something left over from the "Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum" sailing ship days.

Sailors used to sleep in hammocks, so you stowed your issue in a big canvas bag and lashed your hammock to it, hoisted it on your shoulder and, in effect, moved your entire home from ship to ship. It was like hauling a dead linebacker. They wasted a lot of time in boot camp telling you how to pack one of the suckers. There was an officially sanctioned method of organization that you forgot after ten minutes on the other side of the gate at Great Lakes or San Diego.

Did you EVER know a tin-can sailor who had a raincoat? One of those nut-hugger knit swimsuits? The rest of your original issue was either in the pea coat locker, lucky bag, or had been reduced to wipe-down rags in the paint locker.

Underway ships were NOT ships that allowed vast accumulation of private gear. Hobos who lived in discarded refrigerator crates could amass greater loads of pack-rat crap than fleet sailors.

The confines of a canvas-back rack, side locker, and a couple of bunk bags did NOT allow one to live a Donald Trump existence. Space and the going pay scale combined to make us envy the lifestyle of a mud-hut Ethiopian. We were global equivalents of nomadic Mongols without ponies to haul our stuff.

It is amazing what you can jam into a space no bigger than a bread-box if you pull a watch cap over a boot and push it with your foot. There was a four-hundred mile gap between the images on recruiting posters and the ACTUAL appearance of sailors at sea. It was NOT without justifiable reason that we were called the tin-can Navy. We looked like our clothing had been pressed with a waffle iron and packed by a bulldozer.

After awhile you got used to it You got used to everything you owned picking up and retaining that distinctive aroma You got used to old ladies on busses taking a couple of wrinkled nose sniffs of your pea coat, then getting up and finding another seat. Do they still issue seabags? Make their faces red An eagle on his chest and a full blown Chinese dragon peeking out between the cheeks of his butt The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

Those applying got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.

But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his weenie and began to work back. A slipping gear could let your M grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. If the enemy is in range, so are you. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. You, you, and you Tracers work both ways.

Five second fuses only last three seconds. Any ship can be a minesweeper Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.

Blue water Navy truism: Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,. Never trade luck for skill. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Airspeed, altitude and brains. Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there! Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened, man?

A C was flying on a mission when a cocky F pilot flew up next to him. The fighter jock told the C pilot, "Watch this! He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

The F pilot asked the C pilot what he thought of that. The C pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this! Two US Marines are listening to the radio in Iraq. You are needlessly risking your lives to wage A useless, unjust, illegal, and unwinnable war.

Now is the time to return home to your loved ones, while you are still alive. If you foolishly insist on remaining where you are not wanted, the brave resistance fighters will have no choice but to kill you and add your name to the long ever-increasing casualty list of this insane war. So why risk never seeing your loved ones again for a so-called president who has repeatedly lied and deceived you at every opportunity? Why should you be sacrificed so that US corporations can enjoy fatter profits?

The only wise thing to do is return home now, while you are still drawing breath, before you return zippered into a bodybag. The meaning of "secure a building" in different branches of the military: If you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

Air Force personnel would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. The Power of the Almighty Chief Petty Officer As a crowded airliner is about to takeoff, the peace is suddenly shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.

No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of a US Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Master Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.


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